God!!!

hey God,
i woke up this morning thanking you not in words but by smiling. i know that it's only thru u that i'm able to do that. i didn't get up this morning and pick up my Bible and read. it's been over a few weeks since i've even reached for it and that's shame on me. excuses, i mean there r plenty for me to come up with but i won't. cause whenever i need you, when i call upon you; you can come up with them too but you don't. i-i ask myself every day, how is it that i don't forget to pop in a Usher cd or watch my favorite t.v. show but when it comes to reading your word it seems as if it's always put on hold. i can tell everyone how good you are to me, all the blessings given to me and how you've helped me on my hardest days but i can't take the time to get to know you better, some days don't even take the time to pray. i just want to be honest here and shame on me so whoever says she's pathetic is just telling the truth. i know for a fact that if it took you a few weeks to come thru for me i wouldn't know what to do. as important as you are in my life i can't seem to stay on track with what i promise you. we all make our mistakes but it seems as if mine is always not knowing you. how can i instill in my children what i don't know myself. how can i share with them your love, the riches of knowing you when i don't get to know you myself. how can i be so hard on them about reading your word when they never see a Bible in my hand. there's no hiding, no denying cause my kids r old enough to understand. i have this feeling of wanting to do better. it's a must that i do. there's no love and no trust like the love and trust from you. i need guidance, knowledge and strength. i need passion, determination and will. i need a second chance, a fresh start at a relationship with you if you will. in your son Jesus name i pray, Amen!