Dream Phuk

I've been patiently waiting, secretly wanting...teased and taunted. So I wait there...deep in my shadowed thought and I wait there, hoping you don't walk pass me and see what I'm thinking. I stare. Imaginatively winking and putting together the words to say...words that express how bad I want your body. I probably shouldn't think that way. But the clouds have been removed and I see what she do and the sun has kissed my forehead...and now passion is burning inside me. We sex quietly.
No one knows my intentions and I think but don't mention and I've phuk'd you but you don't know it. I've touched you but you don't know it. See I...want you but you don't know it. Yes it's true but she won't split.
If only you would stop for just a minute and ask me. I would kiss your lips, caress your finger tips and suck yo' dick gladly. I mean...I ain't scared of where this could go...the possiblity of the bed or the flo' sounds good to me. My living womb and it's walls is the perfect place to hold such a masterpiece, your prized possession. You see the two of us needs to meet for what I need, which is a private lesson. See time is precious and I learn quick, bring your stamina and big dick...I'm ready for my test of questions. My replies will be what promotes me. My deep throat is what you'll remember mostly but when the sun dims and my passion begins to simmer. As every moment seems to pass us...I just want you to remember...I am waiting.

copywritten.2009.Leukemiona Daniels

In Memory of Jerrod "Robo" Shoals

Robo Shoals, my favorite cousin, passed in November 2008. Me and my cousin were best friends's. I miss him so very much. I can't believe it's almost been a year now. I wrote a poem to him that is very dear to my heart. I love him so much.

This is very hard for me but something I had to do. To express my deepest feelings of the love that I have for you. Last week when I got your phone call, you asked if I could come pick you up. We laughed for a moment and you expressed how you felt about leaving Oklahoma and I agreed by saying, "That's wuts ups." Your last words were, "I love you cuz and I'll be waiting on you." And they replay in my mind every moment that I think of you. At the moment I heard about your death I began to question God about why your life had to end. I wanted to know how someone could take away my cousin, the one I love… my best friend. It's crazy how one could be here and then the next minute they're gone. The fact that you're not physically present makes my life seem so wrong. We are extremely close and no one understands that but me and you. Your smile is a constant memory that plays in my head through and through. Shoals you remember me and the kids coming to see you at the Avalon? You a mess and you know it. You always had my back no matter what and you weren't afraid to let anyone know it. "This Shala ya'll", you would say, "This is cuz. This my baby." We stayed in touch no matter what… so you not being here is driving me crazy. Those daily phone calls, talking about our problems and thinking of a master plan. "You know me cuz I'm get down through there," is all I hear you saying. So loving, concerned and a friend you really are. I just knew that when I left Oklahoma you would be in the passenger seat of my car. But you know God has a purpose for everyone… everyone who is born must die. I know this… it only hurts cause you're family and that's the reason that I question Him why. I know you're in good hands now looking down on me, praying for me every moment of the day. Saying to your fellow angels above, "That's cuz. That's my baby, Shala."
Dear God, my cousin Robo is no longer here on earth… He's home residing with you. I ask that you take care of him and also that you see me through. Cause the pain of losing a loved one hurts deep within and it takes time to heal. I just ask that you comfort me and wrap us with your love and protection if you will. It just seems so hard to comprehend that he is no longer with me although I see his body lying here. Just give me guidance and the strength to move on and one day dry my falling tears. On you God I call, because on you I can depend. In your son Jesus name, Amen.

"NOT GUILTY"

it may have been just something for you to do but i can't say the same for me. you may of just wanted to see what would happen but it's something that will forever live inside of me. that Sunday morning, November 17, 2002 reminds me of what hate is. i still see the face of something so unforgiveable and the feeling of how could you in the presence of my three kids. i...wake up and do life but still your face forever lingers right in front of my eyes. i still have thoughts of why me. wanting to know what the fuck was on your mind. i was in my own home, minding my own business, trying to get my baby daddy to come back home. but as i go to answer the door...to my surprise his best friend stood there all alone. those words, "my car broke down. can i call my girl for a ride," still plays. i rewind my mind and ask what if i could go back to a few hours before the day. but you still stay...a constant reminder of never to trust anyone. you stood there and lied to me straight to my face and then just helped yourself to my pussy and a taste of my tits...with the help of yo' gun. didn't care that my panties held a maxi pad that caught the blood from my pussy walls. didn't care about the fear in my face as long as you could get away with it all. didn't care that my kids lay asleep just feet away from where you were forcefully raping their mother. and then for some sick reason you took a moment to imagine us as lover's, saying you wanted to be with me but didn't have the courage to ask. therefore i guess in yo' mind it seemed so right just to come and take a piece of my ass and have me to live with that and relive that day....after day, after day. i'm glad i had the courage to call 9-1-1 to see if they could put yo' bitch ass away. but that week, September 15-19, 2003...ten months after it all took place. arraignment, preliminary, testifying, arguments and then jury trial. i can still see you sitting there with that worried look upon your face. those thoughts probably came to mind of how they just may rape yo' bitch ass when they put yo' ass away. how yo' left hand will make a tight fist on his pocket and him calling you his bitch. i'm sure you imagined being fucked in the ass...just the thought alone should make you feel like i did...but that ain't what happened. time for deliberation and the judge tells me i can go for lunch and i did. when i returned you stood right at the doors looking me dead in my face with this smirk of relief. i got back to the court room only to find it empty, so now i'm really confused. my public defender ask'd, "you didn't hear the news?" i smiled with a smile of thinking jury trial will soon resume. "they found him NOT GUILTY," a moment of silence came and then left, "is there anything i can do?" i heard those words as i walked away...no tears, no emotion came across my face and you were still standing right there as i came down to leave the building. that second, that very moment...MURDER had now become my new feeling. you just take from me, violate me, disrespect my children and my home, leave me reliving that morning, causing me to feel suicidal and depressed and all they can say is NOT GUILTY. so you can just walk away a free man...no care in the world about my safety for exposing you. don't care if you do bodily harm once again for me telling the truth. don't care about my constant cries and possible bodily harm from the result of hatred, my pain and a kitchen knife. don't care that my feeling of being me is no longer...they just let you walk free. but what if i retaliated on yo' ass, killed yo' ass...i'm wondering how free will i be. what if i brought pain to your family, shot yo' ass in the presence of yo' kids? what if i stood there with that same funny as smirk on my face and showed no concern of what i just did. what if i just take yo' life...doing exactly what you did to me. i'm just wondering how "NOT GUILTY" would i be.

copyright.2009.Leukemiona Daniels