Journaling All The Days of My Life: I'm Pregnant!

May 4, 2009 1:36pm cst

Why did things turn out the way that they did for me? That’s one of the questions that I ask myself on a daily basis. I know that I’m the one to blame because I am in control of my own life and choices. I’m a divorcee of 7 months. I have three children. My son is 15yrs old and I have two daughters ages 11 and 7.

I had my son 5 days after my 17th birthday, February 28, 1994. I remember the day that I found out I was pregnant. I was working at the City of Tulsa as a clerk in the permit and licensing department, the summer of 1993 at the age of 16. I was sleeping a lot and I started falling asleep at work. I remember telling my mom and her saying to me, “You got a VD.” I don’t think I told her I had missed my period. I must’ve told her that my stomach was cramping because I don’t know of any other reason why she would make that comment about me having a venereal disease.

Well she picked me up from work one day and took me to the doctor’s office. When we were called back they had me to pee in a cup for a urine sample. Me and mother waited patiently in the room until the doctor came in. I don’t remember everything he said but I do remember him saying that he had something to tell me and I could either have my mother in the room with me or I could have her wait in the hallway. I chose to have her wait in the hallway. I was thinking to myself, not a VD. The doctor looked at me with a look of concern and then I heard, “Your pregnancy test came back positive.”

Pregnant? I had to sit there for a minute before giving the doctor the okay to let my mom in so that he could break the news to her. When the words pregnant and positive came out of his mouth, I don’t think I ever heard the last of it. My mother fussed at me all the way back to my job. She was so disappointed and now that I think back, I probably would’ve been to. She asked, “Who’s the father?” I looked over at her in shame and embarrassment, “Gavin.” I could not believe that I was pregnant. At the same time I was in love with the father of my child. We had met in the 8th grade in 1989 and began dating in 1990.

Though Gavin was the father of my son, he was not the first guy I had slept with. My first was a guy named Ryan whom I dated in the 8th grade. I don’t know if my family ever knew but he was. Our parents were real close and I really liked him. I would go over to this house and hang out. His mother picked me up for some of his football games. I went over to visit on holidays and my family was very trusting of his because they had known his parents for quite a while.
I really had this thing for Ryan but learned that Gavin had a crush on me. I remember him asking me by letter if I wanted to be his girl but he had a girlfriend at the time. I didn’t fall for him really until the summer before going into the 9th grade. It didn’t happen real quick but we had our first sexual encounter in April 1991. I really had a thing for Ryan but Gavin was a different story. I fell head over hills for him. Us dating didn’t last long and he started messing around with a friend of mine at the time. It really hurt my feelings but I continued to mess with him. It was like he could do no wrong.

I didn’t meet his parents until finding out I was pregnant with my son. The day we found out my mother suggested we call his folks and have a meeting. My mother and I went over and talked with Gavin, his mom and dad about our little situation of being young teen parents. His parents as well as my mom didn’t think it was a good idea. He actually said that he wanted me to have an abortion. I wasn’t really cool about that and at that time I just couldn’t see myself killing my baby. I knew that I wasn’t in a position to raise a child on my own but I didn’t feel comfortable with having an abortion either.

I let Gavin know that I was keeping my baby and that was really the end of that. So for the next 7 months I continued to go to school. I was in the 11th grade and wanted to finish school. We both attended Edison High but then he left and went to McLain.

February 26, 1994 had snuck upon me and I was having pains in my stomach. My mom took me to the emergency room at Hillcrest Medical Center. I was put into a delivery room and hooked up to the monitors in order to make sure my baby was fine. I called Gavin to come up but he didn’t want to. I was heartbroken and all I could think about was him not being there. Luckily I was not dilating as much as I needed to in order for the baby to come. I waited and waited but nothing changed. About two o’clock am on February 27th the doctor told me to watch for my contractions and they sent me home. I went home and followed the doctor’s orders.

That evening I started feeling the same pains as the day before so I called my doctor. She told me to go back into the delivery room so they could re-check me. When I got there, things weren’t too much different as the day before but I was dilating and they went ahead and admitted me. A lot of my family and friends came to the hospital but Gavin was nowhere to be found. The pains were coming more frequent and a lot harder. I knew that I would be having my baby within the next few hours. My neighbor was there with his girlfriend and their daughter. He asked where Gavin was. I let him know that he wasn’t planning on coming. He asked for his number and said that he would go pick him up himself if he had to but he would make sure that he got there. I wasn’t counting on that. He called Gavin and spoke with him over the phone and not too long after, he was walking through the door.